So I’m a busy body, I’ve never ever just had one job or one hobby, I do as much as I fucking can and I do it until I’m drained dry- this is what I mean when I describe myself as high functioning...
The thing is I’ve only just found out that high functioning depression is a thing. You may be aware that I am diagnosed with severe depression- which I have been taking medication for daily for two years+ now- but high functioning is apparently less severe... in that, you can still do normal day to day things... so it feels like I have this. Although I don’t, the only reason I can physically get on with my day to day tasks is my medication... so I don’t think I have high functioning depression, I’m just high functioning and depressed.
I’d also like to point out that I love my friends and I love socialising and doing stuff and that I’m pretty high energy... and therefore when I get home I am beyond exhausted and just don’t really ever want to leave my bed or my own head for a while. Anyone who has ever lived with me I’m sure is aware of this mixture of super high and super low energy that just seems to be a part of who I am.
I have always been loud and bold and really proud of who I am. This, combined with the anxiety and panic attacks of my teenage years and then of my current depression, is just confusing? I don’t know if any of this ramble will be making sense but even though I am all of these things, and kind of always have been, for some reason it doesn’t make any sense to me. Like, how? How can I be so loud
and giggly whilst severely depressed?
Unfortunately, this post will have no conclusion: a fact which is currently stressing me out. I just wanted to open this up to you all, I’m in my own head a lot of the time and I needed to get all this out so that I can hopefully understand it all at some point. If you have any thoughts on this, please, please comment or message me because I’d love to chat.
IWx
*All photos in this post by Scarlett Stevens, make-up by Angie & models are myself, Chloe & Eilis