The air is getting crisper and the evenings darker. I completely adore autumn but I’m also very aware that part of me really doesn’t. The SAD part. Seasonal Affective Disorder is not particularly fun, for me it essentially means that when there’s less daylight, my depression is worse.
I think I’ve spoken about SAD on the blog before now. I’d like to point out that I haven’t actually been diagnosed with it, that it is more something that myself and various doctors suspect I have. This is due to the fact that a solid diagnosis of SAD would require literal years of observation of mood in comparison to the seasons. I am diagnosed with severe depression and I take medication but it does get harder when it’s colder and darker. Which is such a shame because there is so much I love about Autumn and Winter and I sometimes feel like I’m not enjoying it as much as I could be, if I weren’t depressed.
Maybe that’s the case all year round, maybe depression does mean I don’t get the full amount of joy or happiness out of things but even if so, it is far more noticeable between September and March.
One thing that my depression doesn’t seem to affect is my lust for organisation and planning as soon as it’s September. This is definitely just left over from being at school. September for me is when I really get into making lists and plans and giving myself deadlines again after frolicking about in the meadows of my own mind all summer long.
I love wearing jackets again, and all the colours in my wardrobe suddenly become richer and warmer. The amount of coffee I drink is somehow more acceptable and more instagrammable. BOOTS. You can just wear boots all the time. I do this all year anyway but boots are so much more special in Autumn.
I don’t really know where I’m going with any of this (surprise much?) but I guess I have a love hate relationship Autumn. In that I love it but it hates me?! Who knows.
I’m all over the place evidently...
IWx